I must accept them (and accept them with love). Lessons from India.

“I notice a lot of people are sweeping their shops,” I comment to my guide one morning in Varanasi. “Oh yes ma’am, it is important to keep your shop clean.” We both look around - of course the unspoken thing is the streets are full of trash - everyone empties their sweeps into the streets and people on the street often drop their trash onto the ground. My guide clarifies without me prompting, “a problem in India is we do not have good systems for trash so everyone drops things in the street. They (the government) clean the street in the early morning, but then people sweep into the streets or the leftovers from market are thrown into the street shortly after so its like it’s never clean. I do not like the people who throw the trash in the street, but until we have stricter rules on trash that are enforced with a big fine, nothing will change. Instead I have to accept the people who do this even though I do not like them.”

Cleaning Women taking a break from the heat at the Amer Fort in Jaipur

Huh I think to myself, “I have to accept the people.” This is a phrase I have heard over and over again in India in all the different regions I have been to. People in India use it so casually too as if to remind themselves and others that we must continue to practice acceptance. In my personal life, something I have been working on is accepting people who feel things as strongly as I do but from an opposite ideology and to be honest I struggle with it a lot. My tendency is to get really angry about the way the world is going and to feel a strong sense of what I believe is justice. But it turns out almost every angry person feels just in their anger, which can be dangerous and ultimately if it is held onto can lead to a lot of health problems and an unfulfilled life. This is one of the reasons I started doing yoga twice a week last year and that has helped a lot. I’m still working on acceptance as part of my own recovery - generally speaking it hasn’t been going great but yoga helps a lot and there’s a lot of room for growth!

 The first time I heard an Indian person use the phrase “I must accept them,” I was confused. Sometimes in India (or anywhere) when there’s important communication happening there’s a bit of a language barrier where vocabulary words are used to convey deep meaning about something that is better suited for a nuanced vocabulary. A good example of this was at the location of Buddha’s first sermon. My temple guide was an Indian man with a deep British accent, he kept saying over and over again “the only people who come here to see the temples are Hindu! Look! All Hindu!” He probably said it about 5 times so I assumed he was maybe Buddhist so I asked him “how long he has been practicing Buddhism?” he replied “Oh no I am not Buddhist! I am Hindu, but I volunteer for the temple.” Then he paused and looked at me and said... “Buddhism is more of a philosophy that you can practice with Hindu... but it doesn’t matter if you are (he counts this part on his hand) Catholic, Buddhist, Hindu - All the Same!”  I found this statement to be particularly interesting - I think what he was maybe trying to say is it doesn’t matter who your god is and that it is all connected and we can learn from each other. But then again I could be totally wrong. Also, I know a great many people who would definitely disagree with the statement that Christians are the same as Hindu or Buddhists. I’m also pretty sure some Buddhists would probably also disagree with his statement. But that being said, I do lean towards the first interpretation of his words as he followed by saying “sometimes I do not know all the English words to give deeper meaning.”

This is why the first time I heard someone say “I must accept them” I was struggling to understand what exactly they meant.  Did they mean “I have to remember that this person is a human being even if I do not like the actions they are taking.” Or did they mean “it is still important to treat people with kindness even if we disagree.” Or did they mean “this situation (trash management/poverty/homelessness/lack of education) is beyond my immediate control so the best thing I can do is to accept the people and work with my community for change.” From my traveling and the multiple times I’ve heard this phrase “I must accept them” it seems to me that this phrase means all of those things. It is more or less used as a self reminder to be compassionate and kind.

Once when I was at a Mughal fort near Agra I saw a screen saver of a local that said “Sometimes all someone needs is a high five.” What I find especially interesting about this phrase was that emphasis was on other people, it didn’t say “sometimes all YOU need is a high five.” The emphasis on kindness to others is pinnacle in Indian culture. Pretty much in every situation they ask themselves “Is this good for the community?” Before they think about themselves. I think that is pretty powerful.

On my exit out of India some things went awry - I had planned a midnight Saturday pick up from my airbnb to the airport for my 4am flight. However, in true India fashion because it was “close to Independence Day” (keep in mind it was NOT actually Independence Day) the Indian government decided to close many of the roads near me with no notice. In short the cab could not get in to pick me up. My host, god bless him, was like “no worries!” I will find a way to get you to the airport. He did a few laps around the general outside neighborhood talking to people he knew in Hindi, they consulted, phone calls were made, strangers on the street asked us to please sit down and make ourselves comfortable, and even though he couldn’t get to his car (it was parked too far away) he was able to have someone lend him the keys to a nearby car that he then used to drive us out to the main road where we then transferred to our cab. It was a community solution to an individual problem. That’s the way India works - there’s almost always some unannounced surprise but often complete strangers will figure it out together and everyone gets to where they need to go while making a friend. 

Monkey!!!!!!

View this post on Instagram

Tried to walk to the “monkey temple” but got lost and ended up at the sun temple instead. Once I realized this I didnt have enough time to make it the monkey temple before the monsoon rains arrived. I did get some good pictures of monkeys though! Always save something for next time!

A post shared by Amanda Hochstatter (@ms.hochstatter) on Aug 2, 2019 at 4:56am PDT

Wood Block Printed Fabrics in Jaipur

View this post on Instagram

Wood Block Designed Textiles are made around Jaipur, India. It’s an old craft that has been dying in India, but there are efforts to preserve it and protect the artisans. First they carve several wood blocks with a pattern that they want to add to the cloth. Then they put the dyes on the wood block and press it into the cloth, let it dry, wash it, and then add more dye etc to get the correct colors with each pattern. It’s very very cool! Textiles are more important than paintings I was told at the city palace. I definitely believe that as clothes are so so important to the culture in India. I bought a skirt from here that I will wear while teaching in NYC.

A post shared by Amanda Hochstatter (@ms.hochstatter) on Aug 2, 2019 at 12:06am PDT

Amer Fort in Jaipur

View this post on Instagram

Amer Fort - maybe my favorite place to see in Jaipur! It’s up in the mountains and has amazing detail and artisanship. They used to throw huge parties here - I liked thinking about what that must have been like.

A post shared by Amanda (@amandagetslost) on Aug 2, 2019 at 4:46am PDT

Fatehpur Sikri Palace and Mosque

View this post on Instagram

Old Mughal empire architecture! I really liked the fort and the architecture - could do without the constant nagging of the locals pushing their products. Its hard sometimes when you are traveling and encounter people that live way below the poverty line. Often they are just trying to make a sale to feed their family - but I also don’t like to be hounded with aggression when I say “no thank you.”

A post shared by Amanda (@amandagetslost) on Aug 2, 2019 at 4:37am PDT

Jalebi - Indian Dessert

View this post on Instagram

This is Jalebi, an Indian sweet I have seen everywhere! Today at breakfast I saw a chef making it and observed a local filling up his plate with them. So I asked him “what is this?” He explained the whole process they make a batter with flour and then drizzle it into a fryer where it cooks in these designs. I said I wanted to try it! Later he came by the table and asked how I liked it I said a lot, so then he brought me a to go container of them! Then again a few minutes later he brought me his chef business card. I’m sharing them with my driver now and he says “wow! This is good Jalebi!”

A post shared by Amanda (@amandagetslost) on Jul 30, 2019 at 11:06pm PDT

How do you explain American School Gun Violence abroad?

Karly and I were a paired together for our host community stay in Bangalore, India and we were excellent compliments to each other. Karly had never left North America making India her first country off the continent. I have traveled many places in Europe, Africa, and Asia so I am familiar with some of the intimacies of traveling. Karly also had more teaching experience and is continuing on to get her PhD next year while I am still more or less at the beginning of my career. I live in a big city while she lives in a small town. When one of us answered a question about the American education system often the other could elaborate more regarding the rural/city American setting regarding how they were similar or different. It was a joy to paired with Karly! We even shared the same hotel room in Bangalore. As we got to know each other, our experience of school gun violence we found wassomething we unfortunately had in common.

Karly teaches in rural Ohio in a small town community that is plagued with a generational opioid crisis which is unfortunately becoming more and more common in the USA. She is an amazing educator full of energy, life, and motivation - she is one of the most positive people I have been around. She was selected by the State of Ohio to meet President Obama for a teacher appreciation luncheon, which she originally thought was a joke her faculty was playing on her. Her life as a teacher is full of challenges that come with generational addiction and poverty. She would sometimes talk about how once a student brought a gun to school and it wasn’t confiscated till lunch because the other kids were too afraid to report before then (they all knew he had it because he was showing it off on the bus). She taught that student 2nd period and she had a one on one conversation with him about how he seemed more agitated that day, having no idea he had the gun on him. Could she have lost her life that day? She didn’t - which we are all thankful for, but the memory is forever imprinted on her. 

As for myself, I grew up in a small town that also has a drug problem although probably not as extreme as her situation. I also am unfortunately very familiar with gun violence in America as in my same hometown my elementary school bus was the first transportation responder to a school shooting that killed 3 students and a teacher. My elementary school was closest so I suppose that’s why it happened that way. I was in 2nd grade in the first seat of the bus. We were told by our principal that “something horrible happened at Frontier and the buses would be delayed and go a different route.” That route was to the middle school - I didn’t know any other information but what seemed like millions of 12 and 13 year olds boarded the bus all of them sobbing. One Hispanic girl in particular stood out to me as she was sobbing more extreme than the rest. I had never seen a Hispanic girl cry - they in my 2nd grader mind were always the toughest and that’s how I knew things were serious. I don’t remember anything else of that day - I think my aunt from Oregon maybe called and talked to me. The next memory I had was going to church and learning one of the girls who was murdered belonged to our congregation and they had her picture everywhere. I felt incredibly guilty for not knowing her. To this day I am not even sure I remember it all correctly as it was very confusing for me at the time.

Conversations of gun violence in America come up a lot when I have traveled abroad, and India is not excluded from this. It’s a tricky thing to communicate because for both Karly and I it is deeply personal. A large part of America loves their guns over the greater good of the public safety. America is an individualistic society.... it’s more important for some Americans to have rights to own guns than to protect students and teachers or the public in general. I don’t mean to make this political (I can hear the guns rights people countering with all the arguments American people who follow this topic are all too familiar with). But what I am talking about is how in the world does one communicate the uniqueness of American school gun violence to foreigners who do not have this problem. 

Imagine you live in a country where most of the people have never been to the USA but the breaking headlines of American news that reaches you are stories of school shootings. You would be curious! And if an American has come all this way to see you, you can ask them all the questions on said topic pretty much as much as you want. Often the solutions they ask about are very reasonable, but I have to give answers like “well it’s not that easy because some people just really really love their guns.” This always floors them... and they ask about x, y, or z and if the American people think about the humanity of others... and I have say things like “well yes we think about humanity up to an extent... but not everyone agrees.” They say “but your children are dying.” I say “I know.” They say, “so why doesn’t society fix it?” And I say “I think American society doesn’t care enough. America does not value community the same way India does.” This answer seems to satisfy their questions, and I am left wondering to myself is that true? 

Does American society just not care enough about our communities? I’m afraid I might think the answer is yes.

The Best Masala Chai Tea in the World!

View this post on Instagram

The best masala chai tea I have had in India and it cost 28 cents. I went back repeatedly during my time in Varanasi . My last day I met a retired American woman who is traveling on her own through south east Asia for months - she goes to Nepal in a few weeks. She was from my home state and did the peace corps in Africa in her 50s. What an inspiration just to chat with her! I will miss this place.

A post shared by Amanda (@amandagetslost) on Jul 30, 2019 at 7:56am PDT

Horizontal Bamboo Ladders and Saffron Scarfs

Drinking a mango-coconut Lassi at Blue Lassi Shop, the last stop on our food tour, I feel very at peace. Its a little after 7pm and dark, the air is saturated with water and I’m still sweating from every pour in my body. But I’m sitting, there’s a fan above me, and I have a direct view of the narrow street in front of me. Sipping on the yogurt drink a solo Indian woman in a bright green and pink saree sits next to me and we exchange brief hellos. I’m curious about her because nearly everywhere I have been in Varanasi there has not been a single Indian woman in the space more or less a group of them - even though I do see them on the street. Where do all the Indian women go, I wonder to myself all the time. What is her story? Is a funeral of her loved one taking place at the river below? Women are not allowed to be at the funeral or the cremation site because “no crying or sadness is allowed” I am told by my guide earlier in the week. Maybe that’s her story, maybe it isn’t. I’ll never know because I didn’t know how to ask.

The Lassi Shop worker is sitting in the open air window reading a newspaper seemingly oblivious to the world around him. My guide is sitting in the corner playing a video game on his phone since he’s fasting on Mondays this month for the festival of Lord Shiva. He’s been a trooper putting up with me the past several days as I have asked many many questions. He’s only 22 and has a keen eye for fashion and is especially proud of his ray-bans. He wants to open a school for underprivileged kids when he saves enough money or maybe a street food restaurant safe for foreigners on the Assi Ghat. We both notice the same bizarre things on the street and then notice each other noticing the same thing so its been an unusual but fun bond. I personally find this validating because if I can notice what the Indians also think is bizarre, but other westerns don’t catch it, it must mean I have to some degree assimilated a little to being here. Or at least I like to flatter myself and think so.

I notice what appears to be either mug shots or old passport photos all over the sitting area of Blue Lassi and I’m wondering how in the world they have the acquired so many of the same kind of photo from so many different western people. My guide notices me noticing and says “Oh those are the pictures of the people who do not pay.” We both laugh, but he tells me I can leave a picture too if I want and goes back to playing his video game.

I don’t know which happened first if I saw it or I heard it, but retrospectively I think I must have heard it first but did not register in my brain what it meant until I saw it. It started with a bell - like most things related to Hindu spirituality and then some chanting. The next thing I know I am seeing men carrying a horizontal bamboo ladder topped with saffron scarfs and marigold and various flower garlands. Then I see it, the outline of a head and the nose under the scarf, a body has just passed the Lassi Shop on the way to a funeral and then cremation at the Ganges River. A procession of about 6 men related to the body follows and after that, honest to god, a cow as if it wanted to be part of the ritual too.

I am completely floored by this. Even though I have been to the cremation sites and felt the heat of a fire at a cremation on my skin and have learned about the rituals and logically have some kind of understanding about them, the intensity of it is still so new and unexpectedly surprising for me. Like logically in my head I knew that they carried the body through the city to the river. I had seen them do this from the river... but up until that point I had not seen it happen in the city proper itself. I look around the Lassi Shop, the worker is still reading his newspaper and didn’t even look up even though the body literally passed in front of him in less than 3 feet, my guide is still playing his video game, the woman continued staring out the window as if nothing happened, and my travel partner completely missed it (first access to WiFi in a while). How can everyone here be so incredibly causal about death I find myself thinking? The reality is actually the opposite I would argue, everyone here is deeply connected with realty of death and the rebirth of life. It is a mind blowing thing for a Westerner to wrap their head around - I’m still working it out in my head.

I keep sipping my Lassi. By the time I finish, I have seen 4 bodies on their way to the Ganges to be reborn. The first one was medium sized, the second was large, the third was really really small but I don’t think it was a child, and the fourth medium. How weird is it that after someone is dead and gone we still have the body, the most physical form of a person left, and just from that, the physical outline of their body wrapped in saffron, on some level represents to a degree how they lived? Its a weird thought - I don’t know a thing about any of those people, but I could see the outline of the body and it seemed to say so much for so little.

The Many Cows of Varanasi

View this post on Instagram

Cows of Varanasi. I wrote in a recent blog post a lot about cows but I realized I had stopped taking pictures of them because to be honest they have become part of my new normal. So today I set out to take pictures of all the cows I saw - in some pics you can see how narrow the streets are. I also like some of the locals reactions in some of the pictures. I also tried to pose for a selfie with a cow, but it was not having it and started walking at me with its horns and then followed me for a few seconds. So after that I decided to let them be. Although later I did pet one at the home of a guy I bought essential oils from since the cow was in the courtyard. (He said his tea was the best because he uses fresh milk from the cow.)

A post shared by Amanda (@amandagetslost) on Jul 29, 2019 at 9:55am PDT

Street food of Varanasi

View this post on Instagram

Street food tour of Varanasi! The street food here is famous. So so soooo good! We started with spicy and worked our way through chai tea, samosa, mango chewy sweets, and ended with lassi (yogurt drink). My favorite was the Gulab Jamun with cardamon ice cream. (Cardamon is my favorite spice!) Our guide Lalit took us to some amazing places! #varanasi

A post shared by Amanda (@amandagetslost) on Jul 29, 2019 at 8:50am PDT

Varanasi - The Most Extreme Indian Culture Shock

Varanasi -
Wow what a city. The oldest city in the world. The most spiritual city for Hindus and Jains located on the Ganges River. Varanasi is the only place the Ganges River flows from South to North.  It’s about 15 km away from the place Buddha gave his first sermon and founded Buddhism. Its the official city for Lord Shiva, the God that destroys evil. Known as the City of Light according to the Sanskrit translation of Kashi a previous name of the city. I have never been to a place like it and I love it.

For westerners who have been to India: In my experience being in Varanasi is like taking everything you know about traveling in India times 100. This applies to literally everything from the spirituality, the sanitation, the presence of mindfulness, the Masala chai tea, to so so so many other things. In my experience it is the most extreme of the extremes of India I have been exposed to - from the 80% literacy rate found here to the 70% unemployment to the luxury hotels and malls. The level of extremes in already an extreme country is massively heightened here. And you absolutely must come here if you travel to India - but make it one of your last stops so you are a little more desensitized to some of the normal everyday things here - you will see a lot in this city of what I’ve been calling “peak India.”

Boat Ride on the Ganges River - The Holiest River in Hinduism

For westerners who have not been to India: I have no idea how to explain the experience of being here in a way that will even begin to make sense. It is so completely different from anything I have ever experienced or seen. The closest thing I can think of that will still not do it justice is imagine being in a cattle ranch in all the glory of everything that means (smells, sensations - think about what kinds of things you see, hear and smell) then take that and juxtapose that on top of oldest city you have ever been in - preferable one not in America (because America is not that old). I’m talking so old that the streets do not fit cars and in places only fit the size of a person. Take that and add free range cattle.

I firmly believe that if you have grown up on or around a farm you are probably more prepared to be in this space than a westerner who grew up in a city. I only say this because my travel partner has never lived in the country and the intimacy of being super close to cows all the time in really narrow alleys... can be a lot - especially when the cow is doing its business (which cows do a lot). For me I was like oh yep a cow being a cow in the middle of a busy city with motor bikes honking- seems fairly normal/reasonable. My travel partner maybe had a more difficult time accepting this at first (he has since done much better). Also since there’s no grass in a city I want you to imagine what the cow is eating on a regular basis - you can ask me about that in person.

 Please keep in mind that cows are incredibly sacred here- I cannot stress that enough. Cows represent the mother because when you are born you first drink your mothers milk, and after that you drink the cows milk. Cows are also reincarnated into humans so if you are Hindu you would never EVER think about killing and eating a cow. So, when you are in India, you must accept the cows and I recommend you do. [Fun anecdote: one of my guides in Varanasi would casually pet some of the cows as we walked by them - usually if the cow was in the way he would pet it mostly I think to communicate we are moving by you, but also I think because it was a way of respecting the cow or showing kindness to it.]

Ok so now that you have the idea of what it might kind of feel like - add heat like you have never ever experienced. I’m talking “real feel” of 105 degrees Fahrenheit with 88-97% humidity, which means you are sweating through your shirts at least 3 times a day.

Finally, whatever has been your most spiritual experience in your life - it could be from your own religion, it could be a death of someone close to you, it could be personal moment of enlightenment- whatever that experience is for you, take that moment and times that experience by at least 10. You will have a similar experience in this city not just once but several times. I know it doesn’t make sense - I know it sounds super cliche - but I also believe that’s 100% true. I’m not even Hindu and I’ve had several of these experiences being here. The most intense of which for me was at cremation taking place on the Ganges river. That is why this city is amazing. 

Varanasi - Destruction of a Neighborhood for Temple Reconstruction

View this post on Instagram

India’s Prime Minister, Modi, served as a member of parliament for Varanasi for over a decade before becoming India’s PM. When he was elected he uprooted a whole neighborhood in Varanasi (pictured above) so the Hindu Golden Temple would be seen by he Ganges river and so pilgrims can go straight from the river to the temple. There is a mosque right next to the temple and it is a mostly Muslim community that was forced to leave. I was told they were “well paid” for their land by x3 times it’s value.... but many people have lost their family homes. The rest of these buildings in the pictures will be torn down in the next month.

A post shared by Amanda Hochstatter (@ms.hochstatter) on Jul 28, 2019 at 10:32pm PDT

Walking Tour of Varanasi

View this post on Instagram

Wandering around the southern Ghats in Varanasi to the meditation center. We saw people making silk weaves in the dark (to preserve the colors in the threads), lots of dogs, and tons of really old buildings. We learned Varanasi has had 5 names (the most recent is the British name), but each were determined by who ruled here. The city is thousands of years old - one of the oldest in the world. If I remember correctly, archeology dates the city back to 1800 BCE. The city itself is infused with the most ancient of cultures. There are over 23,000 temples here and spiritual ritual is very much a part of every day life here for the people and Hindu and Buddhist pilgrims that come here.

A post shared by Amanda (@amandagetslost) on Jul 27, 2019 at 1:18am PDT